


Score For Me

by DearEvanMurphy



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: (Ok ok sorry), (what can I say except YOURE WELCOME), Alana the mathlete (you're welcome), Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Angst, Bisexual Evan, Bullying, Connor is a cheerleader, Connor wears a skirt, Evan is in football, F/F, Gay Connor, Homophobia, Jared is a cheerleader, M/M, Multi, Pansexual Jared, Zoe is in marching band (sorrynotsorry), bisexual zoe, implied eating disorder, its offically sincerely three you're welcome, lesbian Alana, sports!AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-17
Updated: 2018-07-31
Packaged: 2018-11-15 03:30:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 13,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11222385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DearEvanMurphy/pseuds/DearEvanMurphy
Summary: Evan never expected to enjoy playing football so much. But then again, he didn't expect his family friend to be competing with Connor Murphy for the position of cheerleading captain either.Things get even more complicated when you add relationships to the mix.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Yes hello it is I with ANOTHER fic
> 
> Please read my other three; 
> 
> Did I Even Make a sound; wip: http://archiveofourown.org/works/11037237/chapters/24601392  
> The Insanely Emo Jared Kleinman; completed: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11165826  
> Behind the Screen; wip collab with FailedFalencho: http://archiveofourown.org/works/11213625/chapters/25050585

Evan loved the smell of the grass, the beautiful sound of the birds chirping as he ran. He loved the way it smelled when it rained. He just loved the outdoors, and being outside always calmed him.

 

However, in a stressing situation like _football_ _tryouts_ , he hated it. The kids around him stared, and he shrunk whenever anyone tried to speak to him. Why the fuck was _he_ there? He could feel them asking. Or, he could hear, as some of them were less tactful about their surprise. He felt his nerves bubbling up into the pit of his stomach. He feared he would throw up. He just _couldn’t_ show it, as these kids also happened to be the worst bullies of the school.

 

Why _was_ he there? He considered leaving but remembered how happy Heidi looked when he told her about wanting to try out. He had run all summer to prepare, he had started going to the gym - something Jared had laughed for twenty minutes at. Not that Jared could laugh, however. The coach looked up, and Evan took a nervous breath as he looked into his eyes, rolling them and taking a look down at the clipboard, calling out a list of names, ending in “...Hansen, Evan.”

 

Across the field, Evan’s _family friend_ stood.

 

In a cheerleading uniform.

 

Jared sighed, looking at the cheerleading coach as she paced in front of them. “As you ladies, and er, guys, know, our beloved captain Courtney has gone to college.”

 

The group mumbled, and some girls sniffled. Jared rolled his eyes. Anyone who really knew Courtney would know she was a _bitch._ When he had first joined the team, it _had_ been to become popular. But as time - junior year specifically - went by, he had grown a love for the sport.

 

Nearby, someone shifted. Jared looked over his shoulder, and his jaw nearly hit the floor.

 

 _Connor Murphy_ was in a cheerleading uniform identical to Jared’s. He met Jared’s eyes, glaring in a ‘we will not speak of this’ way, and turned back to the coach.

 

“Nevertheless,” The coach sighed. “The show must go on. And so I will be choosing our new captain out of _any_ of you girls… Or guys.” The last part was tacked on carelessly.

 

The captain called them into a line, and Jared, of course, had to have  Connor _right behind_ _him._  He turned to the brunet with a smirk. “So… You planning to wear a skirt, or?”

Connor glared at him, saying nothing.

 

At the end of tryouts, Evan was exhausted and nervous. They wouldn’t receive results for a week, which meant he could be anxious for an _entire week_ over something that might not even happen.

 

“Acorn!” Jared yelled. “How’d it go?”

Evan took a second to wonder _why_ Jared cared if he was only a ‘family friend’. “A-Acorn?” he questioned and sighed. “It went.. Fine, I guess.”

“Because you’re always in the fucking forest.” Jared smiled at his own joke.

Rolling his eyes, Evan got into Jared’s car. “Thanks… for giving me a ride.”

 

Jared shook his head, starting the car. “You’re the reason I still have insurance, so…”  Evan knew that was the closest he would get to a ‘you’re welcome’.

 

On the other side of the parking lot, Connor got into Zoe’s car.

 

“So,” Zoe giggled. “How was cheer tryouts?”

“Jared fucking Kleinman is a cheerleader.” Connor chuckled. “But it was… Okay. I got in, and I kind of want to go for captai-”

“YOU HAVE TO!” Zoe practically squealed. “Connor, that sounds beautiful. Are you gonna wear a skirt or-”

“Why the _fuck_ have I been asked that question twice today?” He sighed, trying to hide a smile. The slight grin faded as Zoe pulled out of the school parking lot. “Larry is gonna have a fit. I told him I was going to try for football.”

“We’ll deal,” Zoe assured, sighing. 

 

* * *

 

 

It had been a week, Evan realised in a panic.

 

It had been a week and the sheet was at the end of the hall, where a small crowd had formed. A group of jocks in the center high-fived each other, laughing.

 

And then their eyes focused on Evan simultaneously.

 

He approached shakily, gulping as he got to the end of the hall. The quarterback -Evan knew that was his position from last year, and he was the coach’s son, so it was assumed he would get his position back easily- approached Evan, and held out a hand.

 

“Welcome to the team.”  


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So my style is kind of odd in this fic but it's the only way I can portray it the way I want to. 
> 
> Jared IS pansexual, but he's questioning (later he'll realize and be like "oh. OH") (guess who's projecting oops :))
> 
> Connor is still an asshole, but he's not totally an asshole, so I'm hoping it isn't too ooc.

“C’mon _ladies_!” The coach yelled as they did their evening jog. By this point, Connor was pretty sure he could run twice as fast and longer than the football players.

 

He passed Jared for the second time, smirking when Jared picked up the pace with a grunt. While neither were very agile, he could almost always count on the spirit of competition to keep his _nemesis_ from lagging behind. At this point, his legs were burning, and he was sure that the ponytail on his head was frizzy. Despite this, he even managed to pass Tiffany, his other competition for captain.

 

“Keep it up, Murphy!” The coached yelled as he slowed to a steady jog.

 

“Yeah Murphy, gotta trim that waistline to fit into your skirt!” Connor looked and made sure the coach was focusing on someone else and flipped Jared off, but the shorter male just laughed loudly.

 

“Kleinman, extra lap. Hustle, you’re only on your second!” Connor smiled as the coach yelled at Jared, satisfied. He was on his fourth and final lap around the track, which was lucky considering all of the football players were too distracted to be dicks.

 

At the end of practice, Connor sat on the bleachers alone. Everyone else was either still out there -such as Jared, who was only on his fourth lap- or avoiding him. The coach stood in front of the group, writing on her clipboard. “Okay, as you all know the first game is next Friday.” He leant forward. “This will be our first game in three years without a captain. And don’t think I won’t be looking to our nominees for our next captain, so keep up the -er- good? Work.” The coach was trying to sound stern and encouraging, but mainly just sounded like she didn’t believe at all that any of them would be able to be a good captain.

 

Across the field, Evan was drinking water like he had never tasted anything so good and pure before.

 

When practice was dismissed, Evan tried to quickly shower and change, knowing his mom had promised to be home that night so they could talk about football -and so Evan could remind her that she said she would go to his first game- and he was looking forward to it. She had even promised to make a homemade meal.

 

But when Jared dropped him off, his heart sank. His mother’s car was gone, and on the table, there was a note.

 

**Evan-**

**I left 20 bucks on the table in the living room. Love you!**

**-Mom <3** 

 _Oh_ . He sighed, trying to avoid the disappointed and hurt thoughts. She did this for _him,_ he couldn’t blame her. Especially since she had to pay for some of his football gear.

 

Plus, there was alway Friday’s game, he thought happily. He was nervous, but also genuinely excited for something for the first time in forever.

 

* * *

 

 _Shit._ It was Friday.

 

Jared sat in the changing rooms, staring at the grimy floor. Connor was the only other person in there, but he still felt as if all eyes were on him. Jared Kleinman loved cheering almost as much as he loved anything to do with computers, but he was also terrified of another year of comments from assholes about how gay he was. He totally didn’t care, right? But then again, he had an image to uphold. Besides, just because you’re a male cheerleader doesn’t mean you’re gay. Look at Connor-

 

 _Bad example._ Jared noted as Connor stepped out of the small stall in the changing rooms, in a _skirt,_ with a sigh.

 

If Jared were in the crowd, his phone would be poised to take three pictures a second. He hoped someone _did_ , he needed to remember that moment forever.

 

But Jared knew that Connor would soon be in the same boat as him, if he even cared. He wondered if it hurt less to be called gay when you knew for sure what you were. Because Jared was more confused about his sexuality than that time when he had turned on the tv to a random episode of some teen drama where someone was pregnant with someone’s baby. He just knew for sure that he was not totally straight.

 

“Um, are you gonna get out there or not? The game starts in like…” Connor paused, flipping his hair aside to check his phone. “Three minutes.”

 

Jared nodded shakily, trying to get to his feet but almost tripping, using Connor to steady himself.

 

“Um- okay. You do know you need to be able to balance yourself to cheer, right?

 

Jared nodded. “Fuck off.”

 

He steadied himself, brushing dust and lint off his uniform.

 

_Showtime._

 

 

Evan Hansen was freaking out.

 

Where was his mom? It was ten minutes before the game, and he saw no sign of her.

 

**Evan: Where are you? THe gamm starts in 5**

 

He looked around. Everyone else was just reacting normally, putting on their gear.

 

But Evan wasn’t normal, he reminded himself. His phone buzzed.

 

**Mom <3: SHit Evan I’m so sorry I had to cover for Erica again…**

**Mom <3: I’ll make it to the next one, promise. **

He looked down at the phone, his heart in the pit of his stomach. He didn’t realise he was crying until a tear landed on his phone.

 

**Evan: It’S okayy.**

 

The coach blew his whistle, and Evan got up nervously. It was time.

 

* * *

 

 

Half time.

 

Jared got up shakily, trying to think of a way to get out of cheering. His stomach felt like he had swallowed a bees nest, and his legs were jelly. He had barely made it through the first few cheers, and even then he had rushed into the bathroom to throw up.

 

 _Captains don’t quit_. He thought and made it his mission to pull through. Even when Connor found him puking his guts out two minutes before half-time.

 

“Oh, um. I’m just gonna…” Connor turned to leave but hesitantly stopped. “Um. Are you okay? You’ve kind of been off. “ He sighed, running a hand through his hair. “If you need me to take your spot I can, or I can tell coach if you want to bail-”

“Fuck-” He retched, “Off.” He said, but it probably kept less of a bitchy image when he was whimpering at the burning feeling in his throat.

 “Look, Kleinman. You’re obviously not one who needs fucking coddling.” He crossed his arms. “So just, drink this bottle of water and get the fuck out there. We have a dance to perform.” He sat the bottle beside Jared with an annoyed sigh.

 

Jared’s head was still in the toilet, but he could hear the echo of Connor stalking off.

 

* * *

 

 

They won.

 

Evan couldn’t believe it, he had managed to be a part of a team without totally messing everything up.

 

And they had won.

 

Surrounded by his cheering teammates, Evan couldn’t imagine how to make his night better. But then, he looked up to the stands and thought of one way.

 

He heard a string of words and sighed as his focus shifted back to the team.   
  
“Party at my place!!!” Someone shouted.

 

And for once, Evan followed -and fit in with- the crowd.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!! :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A house party happens. Alana the mathlete meets Zoe the marching band enthusiast. Jared learns what Connor really thinks about him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've written two house party chapters in one week I'm so original
> 
> Chapter 9 of Did I Even Make a Sound will be up ASAP for those who read it!!
> 
> s/o to my amazingly beautiful girlfriend (we met on a fanfic website and that'll be hard to explain but at least it sounds like a rom com) and please go read her writing for it is 10000000 times better than mine!!!:  
> http://archiveofourown.org/users/failedfalencho/pseuds/failedfalencho

The party was a bit crazier than Evan had expected it to be.

 

When the team walked in -in more of an orderly line than a group- they had been treated to a standing ovation full of screaming and cheering.

 

At some point, some cheerleader had handed him a beer. Surprisingly, he downed the whole thing within a minute. He didn’t even  _ usually _ drink. 

 

But then again, he didn’t  _ usually _ play football.

 

With that train of thought, he picked up another. 

 

“Evan!” Jared called, drawing out the ‘n’.  “Nice win, I never thought you - _ you _ would actually do something like that.” 

Evan raised an eyebrow, surprised when his buzzed brain wasn’t totally freaking out about Jared, or the fact that everyone was staring at him, or- 

 

He stopped. He wasn’t going to ruin this. Taking another large gulp of beer, he was silently thankful for the tolerance he had gotten from drinking with Jared occasionally. 

 

There was a loud cheering from the centre of the room, and Evan looked at Jared with a sigh. “I’ve gotta go, the coach wants the team to watch over each other.”

 

He didn’t remember seeing Jared again the entire night. 

 

* * *

 

 

Standing on the sidelines, Jared thanked anything holy that the game was over. 

 

He loved cheering, but sometimes he hated the stress of trying to be “head bitch”. And with captain coming up… He wasn’t doing so well. Which is also why he hadn’t had a drop of alcohol, in the hopes that maybe, just maybe, he could come up with some brilliant idea on why the only cheerleader with a muffin top would be the captain. 

 

He was  _ screwed _ , wasn’t he? 

 

Sighing at the realisation, he slipped out of the sliding door of the home that belonged to whichever idiot football player’s parents weren’t home that night. He walked over to the middle of the yard, and -finding a place that their dog  _ hadn’t _ shit on- sat down. 

A voice came from the shadows. “Shouldn’t you be throwing up somewhere?”

 

* * *

 

 

Being a mathlete was one of the only things Alana genuinely enjoyed at the school.

 

She didn’t have to really talk to anyone about anything other than the problems, or her uniforms -God knows she just  _ had to _ volunteer to design them on top of her already busy schedule- and she could easily become the best. She was practically engineered for this. 

 

But she was surprised when she didn’t see mathletes as another thing that would look good on college applications, she actually thought of herself as a part of something. 

 

Nevertheless, it was more surprising when she got invited to a football game by some guy on the team.  _ Just as friends _ , he had promised, as she went to make it clear that she did not have time for boys. Girls were more her thing anyway. 

 

What wasn’t surprising? That her  _ date _ -after insisting he take her to a party- had abandoned her when one of the cheerleaders had begun to dance on the dining table.

 

She sat on the sidelines, drinking whatever odd concoction that one of the kids in the kitchen had whipped up for her -she thought she tasted some whipped cream in it, of all things- and watched the rest of the party. 

 

Some of the football players were definitely going to bail out of practice the next day.  “WHAT TEAM?” The coaches’ son had been yelling for the last twenty minutes. 

“WILDCATS!” 

 

Everyone turned to look at the marching band girl with a confused look. Alana barely managed to stifle her laughter.

 

From the back, a football player who Alana had never actually seen talk other than asking about his summer spoke up. “WILDCATS, GET YOUR HEAD IN THE GAME!”

 

The party continued.  Beside Alana, a girl she’d seen in marching band sat down. Alana knew a few things about her; she was a junior, she was related to one of the two male cheerleaders, and she was undeniably cute. 

 

“Hi.” She smiled at Alana. “You’re in mathletes right?’

Alana nodded, hoping that she didn’t smell like alcohol.  _ Good impressions. _ “Um, yeah. I’m also in debate, student council, honours, and a couple of others.” She trailed off, looking the girl up and down “Judging by the outfit… Marching band?” 

The girl nodded and stuck out her hand. “Zoe. Trumpet, first chair.”

Alana took the hand with a smile. “Alana. Mathlete. The school can’t afford to give us chairs.”

Zoe laughed out loud, a wonderful sound that reminded Alana of a bell. “Wait, really?” 

 

They spent the entire party laughing. 

 

* * *

 

 

So much for not drinking.

 

In the time he had been outside, Jared -and Connor- had downed five shots of vodka each.

 

He was actually having fun, though. After a couple of drinks, he learned that Connor wasn’t an angry drunk like he would think.  _ Connor Murphy _ was a giggly drunk. And Jared was taking advantage of that, telling jokes that he knew anyone sober would think he was more of a freak than usual for telling.

 

“I gotta tell you,” Connor began after another laughing fit. “I thought you were my competition for captain at first. But you don’t seem like you’re much competition.” 

 

After his words, Jared felt a slight pain break through the buzz of drink. 

 

“What do you mean, Murphy?” Jared played it off with a laugh.

“I mean,” he chuckled. “You always try so hard but it’s  _ obvious _ that the coach will never like someone like you enough for captain.” 

Jared’s grinning facade dropped for a second. “Fuck you.” He attempted to sound strong, voice faltering. 

“What did I say?” Connor asked, grinning. 

 

Jared got up. “Nothing, just,” He began walking. “I have to get home.” 

 

He saw Evan through the window on his way around the house, laughing with the rest of the team.  He left without saying a word. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!!! Sorry if any of this is OOC, it will be fixed in future chapters


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared is stressed and insecure, Evan is worried, Connor doesn't remember anything, and Alana is gay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please check out failedfalencho's fics, she is beautiful and majestic and amazing at writing and none of us are worthy  
> https://archiveofourown.org/users/failedfalencho/pseuds/failedfalencho
> 
> Me: this fic should be pretty fluffy!   
> Also me: ... Jared is insecure and Connor's a dickhole :))))) 
> 
> Also, this is mostly filler, I promise there will be more plot in future chapters (and more Alana since her part is just a few sentences oops)

 

Jared wanted to skip practice. But he didn’t, just for the sake that  _ maybe _ , just  _ maybe _ the coach would ever consider him for captain.  Even with a killer hangover, he was the first to finish his laps. He even ignored Connor fucking Murphy for once.

 

When he got home, he slept. He didn’t eat, or shower, or even watch tv or play a computer game. He fell asleep, and it went the same way on Sunday after practice. He didn’t even want to go to school Monday but realised that according to school policy he couldn’t go to practice if he skipped school. 

 

He felt like a machine. 

 

Evan didn’t ask about it until Wednesday. 

 

“What’s- What’s going on with you?” He asked on the way home from practice. 

“What?”

“You haven’t answered any of my texts when I look over at the cheerleaders during practice you look, um, you look zoned out. J-Jared I swear if you’re on some kind of drugs or s-something I’ll tell your mom-”

“Fuck off Evan.” He snapped, for the first time since he had decided to be a better friend to Evan. “I’m not on drugs.” He said, quieter. He blushed at the thought that Evan genuinely  _ cared _ , but the thought was crushed by an image of Evan at a party surrounded by the same jocks that had made fun of Jared for cheering. 

“Then… Then w-what is it?”

“It’s not a big deal. I’m just trying harder to be captain.” He sighed, pulling in front of Evan’s house and waiting for him to collect his bags. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Connor didn’t know what the fuck he had done. 

 

When he woke up in the grass of some strangers yard, he was almost worried he had gotten into a drunken fight. Everything was blurry, and his back was killing him. But there were no internet videos of a ‘cheerleader gone wild’, no evidence that he had gotten into a fight with anything but a bottle of vodka. 

 

A bottle of vodka that he definitely hadn’t finished  _ alone. _ But that was another thing he couldn’t find evidence of; his drinking partner. 

 

He had checked his messages, making sure Zoe knew that he was  _ okay _ and that he would  _ be home soon. _ Another unfamiliar number had texted him.

 

**Unknown 1:43 AM: Um hi this is EVan (I’m on the football team have you see Jared? I assumed he would hang out with some of the cheerleaders and I think he went home without me**

**Unknown at 2:07 AM: Neevrmind he just texted sorry**

 

Shaking his head, Connor had deleted the messages (but saved the number). 

 

But at cheerleader practice, he got the feeling that he  _ had _ seen Jared that night. And that he had done something awful, considering the fact that Jared wouldn’t look at him and seemed to have made it a personal goal to be better than Connor at everything. 

 

Hell, Jared glared at him when he  _ did _ look at him. He tried to act unfazed at the fact that his only acquaintance was ignoring him. He didn’t care, no. 

 

But he did. And it perplexed him to no end.

 

* * *

 

 

Alana was actually excited to go to school, for the first time in a long time. 

The party had been fun -especially near the end- and because of it, she was eating lunch with the cute girl from marching band. 

She fed her cats and her guinea pig with a smile, humming along. Her mother actually asked if she was okay because she was just so  _ happy. _

She didn’t even feel bad when she got a B on a test for once, or when the mathletes hated their shirts that she had stayed up until 5 AM working on over the weekend. Nothing was going to ruin her day. 

_ Jesus, _ she was gay.  

* * *

 

 

Evan was  _ not _ excited to go to school on Tuesday.

Jared had been ignoring him for days on end, and he looked like a zombie. He was pale, and just stared forward, and didn’t even look up when Evan offered him his extra fries. 

Jared  _ loved _ fries. Evan knew that. 

He did not enjoy practice, mainly due to the fact that coach had caught him staring off at the cheerleaders and thought something else so he had to run an extra lap -to ‘clear his head’ -  and how was he supposed to explain that  _ no,  _ he wasn’t staring at the girls without being made fun of by his jock friends that already made him feel unsure of if he belonged there because they were already always talking about sex and girls and- 

He sighed. Tuesday was not a good day. 

And Wednesday wasn’t either, as Jared  _ had _ answered him, but it was the hurried, ‘don’t ask me again because I don’t want to feel guilty for hiding something’ type of answer. Evan should know. 

Thursday looked up, as Jared talked more. But there was  _ something _ in his eyes that made him feel like Jared was lying to him when he wasn’t even telling him anything. 

It wasn’t a good day or a good week, and Evan didn’t have very high hopes for the rest of the month other than the games. 

He just hoped that -whatever Jared was hiding- he figured it out soon. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!!!! Kudos and comments inspire me!!!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A pep rally happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so... funny story: I've had this chapter for over a week and I just,,, forgot to post it. Whoops. 
> 
> Check out my darling girlfriend's amazing writing: http://archiveofourown.org/users/failedfalencho/pseuds/failedfalencho
> 
> Please check out my other writing too, thanks!!!!

Friday was -for once- free of aNy sense of normality that the students usually had. No games, no practices, and at school that day a dreaded event for anyone who wasn’t a cheerleader or jock: a beginning-of-year pep rally. 

 

Evan should’ve been excited, but with his worry increasing for his only  _ actual  _ friend, his stress levels were off the roof. He sat down beside Jared at lunch, and the -usually at least  _ somewhat _ annoying- boy just laid his head on the table as he had all week. Evan got deep in his own thoughts, and realised that the timeframes would match up for- 

 

“Jared… Did something happen at the p-party?” Evan asked. 

Jared’s head snapped up, and he shot Evan a glare but then relaxed into a neutral expression. “ _ What _ ?” He drew out the ‘ah’ sound. “ _ No. _ ”

“Jared. I’m- I’m a football player now, if anyone is, um, g-giving you trouble I can beat the s-shit out of them.” 

“Football player or not, you wouldn’t hurt a fly.” He sighed, and Evan was kind of struck by his comment. “Besides… It’s nothing.” 

“Jared,” Evan held a strong tone. 

“It’s  _ nothing. _ ” 

“A-Are you sure? Because I’m s-serious. If not me, I have t-teammates who will take care of -whatever it is.”

“I don’t  _ want _ them to,” Jared said and began to get up.

“Fine… Just please, t-take care of yourself?” He looked up at Jared with a pleading look. 

Jared seemed to be thinking really hard, a slight blush on his cheeks. “... Will do.”

 

* * *

 

 

Jared was in the hall in his cheerleading uniform, waiting for the cue to run out and do the whole ‘peppy cheerleader’ act. 

He didn't feel peppy. He felt dead. More than that, he felt sick. When was the last time he had eaten? 

Oh well, it didn’t matter. He could eat later, after the rally. Right now, he had to prove that he was worth being captain. And speaking of having to prove his worthiness, none other than Connor Murphy stepped out of the changing rooms in his skirt. He nodded at Jared. “Sup.” 

Jared stayed silent. He couldn’t stand to show any more weakness to this- this asshole.  Especially the asshole that seemed to see right through his insecurities. 

He heard his cue, and ran out, putting on a fake happy expression. It was going to be a long hour and a half.

 

* * *

Zoe Murphy was  _ not _ ready for this. 

The band had been assigned to play a piece at the pep rally, and while she loved being a trumpet, the pressure was on. Her band director had started to throw markers at people who messed up. Luckily, she had avoided that. 

Did it count as marching band if they were playing a concert piece in the bleachers? 

_ Wow,  _ the arts programs were really underfunded. All programs were, really. Even mathletes. 

Nope. Nope. She couldn’t think of mathletes. Because mathletes led to Alana and Alana led to thinking about her huge crush on the other girl and- No. Her band director hadn’t thrown any markers yet, but he got close every time Zoe got too far into thinking about Alana. 

She focused on the sheet music, a marching tune with more high notes than she preferred. She picked up her trumpet on the director's cue,  taking in a deep breath. 

And almost gasping with her mouth to her trumpet -something she’d learned the hard way not to do by any means- when she saw Alana across the room.

Alana gave a small smile and a wave, sitting with her fellow mathletes.

She really needed to  _ stop being so cute, _ Zoe cursed to herself. 

 

* * *

Connor could tell when he was being ignored. 

And Jared Kleinman was  _ definitely  _ ignoring him. 

He really didn’t know what he had done, they hadn’t seen each other at all over the weekend, but when he woke up after the party-  _ oh. _

Fuck. He had probably done something at the party that was either really bad, or  _ really gay.  _

Did he flirt with Jared? Connor knew he was gay, and while their rivalry could sometimes be taken as a weird flirtationship- he definitely tried to flirt with Jared. Jesus, drunk him was a dick. 

He stepped out of the changing rooms, trying to decide how to approach and just  _ ask _ Jared. His therapist had told him that if he had a problem he had to face it calmly, right? When he didn’t face it he got explosive and then he almost hurt people and- He couldn’t. If he wanted to be captain, he couldn’t.  He pulled at his skirt uncomfortably.

“Sup.” He sighed, looking over at Jared.  _ Real smooth, asshole. _

Jared stayed quiet, watching out the bleacher doors. Connor noticed he was swaying a bit, and almost swore he heard the shorter male’s stomach growl.  Well, it was now or never.

“Listen-” 

Jared’s cue came, and he took a deep breath, plastering on an almost scary grin and running out. 

Connor guessed he would just lose the only acquaintance he had. 

 

* * *

 

 

Jared was already feeling the effects of the extra running he had put in. But it was worth it, being able to be the best at cheering was the only way he could ensure he became captain. 

While the teachers talked about how  _ great _ this year would be, Jared tried to ignore the slight hunger pains that went through him. He promised himself that he would eat a shit ton when he got home. 

And then, he would probably sleep again. Or work out. If he worked out enough, maybe he could be even better at cheering.

He caught Evan’s eye from across the room, and he realised the boy had probably been staring at him for a while. 

It was none of Evan’s business, though. He had his new football friends. 

The teacher finished talking, meaning that it was time for them to cheer. He got into his section as a base, facing the other girl -a reluctant sophomore whom he had to constantly snap at for leaving all of their flyer’s weight to him- and getting ready. The coach stood at the front and started the music they had picked for the simple stunt. 

He lifted the girl into the air, and when they let her back down he quickly tried to get into the position to toss her -which was always the favorite of their stunts, he had learned early on- they made sure they were in sync with the other girls (and Connor, who was surprisingly a flyer), and quickly tossed her up into the air. 

When he snapped his head up to catch the girl, he felt lightheaded.  _ Don’t. Throw. Up.  _ His mind raced as the dizziness increased, and too late into the trick he realised that he had to catch the girl. 

Or, he did catch her. Just with his entire body when he fainted. He heard the cheers of his team slowly turn into horror. 

_ At least he didn’t throw up. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow oops 
> 
> My favourite part of this was writing protective Evan???


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath; A hospital visit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes hello again 
> 
> There isn't much medical stuff in here just because I felt like it would be pointless to add that? But basically, Jared forgot that humans need food and water so all he was was dehydrated and shit. 
> 
> Thanks for reading and psst you should check out Failedfalencho shes gr9

For a moment, the entire student body seemed to quiet down. They stared at Jared and the girl on the gym floor, no one making a move. Every bone in Evan’s body screamed to just run out there and pick him up. 

 

So he decided to at least approach. The principal -and the cheerleading coach- were already over there, having moved the crying girl off of Jared. 

 

“Uh-um- Can I um- Jared is my f-friend.” Evan stuttered out under the principal’s glare. 

“Can I- Does he need to be brought t-to the nurse?” 

 

“Ah, Evan.” The principal seemed under no pressure to help Jared. “Possibly. Right now everyone is about to be brought to class though, so you might want to run along.” 

 

“No-No sir.” Evan flushed, trying to seem non-threatening but wanting to stay by Jared’s side. “He’s- He’s my best friend.” 

 

“Is everything okay?”  A voice asked from behind them. Connor Murphy stood there with crossed arms, a few stray hairs sticking out of his ponytail. 

 

The principal began talking to a -surprisingly worried- Connor, and Evan looked down at Jared. 

 

His glasses were askew, and Evan worried that he may have hit his head. While the principal was distracted, he did the only thing he could think to do other than panic- he gently pushed past the cheerleading coach and picked Jared up, acting as if he had gone deaf when the principal started yelling after him. When he got to the door, he was shocked to see someone -Connor- open the door for him. He stuttered out a thank yo;u as Connor followed him down the hall. 

 

He tried to remember where the nurse's office was, and his adrenaline was slowly wearing off and making it seem like Jared was pounds heavier. 

 

“It’s to the left.” Connor sighed from beside him. 

 

The walk was relatively quiet, and Evan grasped for anything to say to the taller boy beside him. “So, um, how- How do you know Jared?” 

“I don’t just wear the skirt for fun. Well, I would. But it makes sense to wear it since I’m part of the cheerleading team that this asshole is on, which is obvious.” He rolled his eyes. 

“What I’m trying to ask is why- Why you’re-”

“Why I’m following you? Honestly, no fucking idea. But I’d rather walk while you take the closest thing I’ve had to a frenemy to the nurse instead of listening to the principal make snide comments that basically lead to the fact that if I weren’t fucking rich they wouldn’t tolerate my outfit or life choices.”  


 

Evan looked at Connor, hesitantly nodding. “But you could’ve just, um,  skipped out?” 

 

“I want to make sure he’s still competition for captain.” Connor shrugged, and Evan had a feeling that the cheerleader was just trying to cover up some truth.

 

“You won’t get rid of me that fucking easily, Murphy.” Jared groaned from Evan’s arms. 

 

 

* * *

 

 

Jared had been conscious for minutes before he decided to speak. Long enough to hear Evan grilling Connor. Which, once he got past the hard feelings about his friend leaving him at the party… was nice. 

 

What wasn’t so great, however, was the fact that Connor was suddenly acting as if he cared.  _ Where the fuck did he get off? _  Was this some scare tactic? Some kind of false security? Because Jared was almost positive that Connor did  _ not _ want to be friends. 

 

After he spoke, the two went silent as if they had been talking about some big secret. 

 

“I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck.” He was thankful that Evan was carrying him, as nausea caught up to him. He felt as if he would throw up, but he also knew that he didn’t have anything to throw up. 

 

“That’s what happens when you pass out mid-trick and a cheerleader lands on you.” Connor rolled his eyes.

 

“She fucking landed on me? Really?” Jared groaned.  Evan carried him with a noticeable slouch, finally settling him on the small couch in the nurse’s office. He rolled his eyes as he looked around. “Look, I’m fine. I just got a little-” 

 

“Bullshit. You looked like you were gonna pass out far before you actually did.” Connor interrupted. 

 

Evan looked between them as if he thought Connor would attack any minute. “I- I know this isn’t what you want to hear, but you’ve- you’ve kind of been out of it lately.” 

 

“Guys, I’m seriously fine. I just need to,” He swayed a little. “I need to go home and get some food.” 

 

“Bulls-” Connor began.

 

“N-No. You’re- You’re getting checked out, okay?” 

 

Jared sighed. Knowing Evan since they were kids meant that he knew when his friend meant business.  “Fine.” 

 

The nurse bustled in with a sigh. “As per school rules, we have to call an ambulance to pick you up.” 

 

_ Great. _

 

 

* * *

 

 

Connor hated hospitals. He despised them since he first stepped foot in one. Hospitals were bad news. Hospitals were the place where you find out your grandma isn’t coming home, or the place where you go after your mom accidentally flips her car. They were the place you went when you took too many pills in junior year and your sister found you on the bathroom floor covered in your own vomit.

 

Hospitals were always terrible. 

 

So why was he there? 

 

Oh yeah, the idiot who had, according to the doctor, chosen to not eat and overexert himself for -an estimated- 36 hours. 

 

“What the fuck, Kleinman?” He asked after the doctor left. 

 

“C-Connor,” Evan warned Connor, looking him up and down trying to figure out if he was a threat. 

 

“I forgot to eat!” Jared defended.

 

“I literally heard your stomach growl, you can’t just say ‘oh I forgot to eat’ “ Connor crossed his arms. “Did you do this on purpose?” 

 

“Why do you care?” Jared snapped. 

 

“I don’t.” He felt his face grow hot, looking down. 

 

“Then why the fuck are you even here, Murphy? You’ve made it  _ very _ obvious that you don’t even think I’m in the running for captain, so why would you come here? Why waste your precious time-”

 

“I was worried, okay?!” His voice was loud enough to make Evan jump and to cause some nurses at the front desk to glare at him. “You know what, fuck this.” 

 

He went to leave, opening the small curtain surrounding them a bit wider so he could step out. He looked out from behind it for the nearest exit but paused when he saw a familiar doctor.  _ Shit. _

 

He stepped back in, sitting in the corner. “Nevermind.” 

 

Evan looked like he was about to say something. 

 

“Don’t fucking ask.” 

 

* * *

 

 

Jared was discharged after a quick check up, with only instructions to “Eat something and rest.” 

They stood at the counter, waiting behind a teenager who was talking about some kind of brain-computer and a kid with a full body cast. 

He looked around the hospital, from the rooms to the walls, and finally to the people standing beside him. Evan was clutching the ends of his shirt like a lifeline, and Connor’s eyes were darting around as if he were trying to find the nearest escape route. They met Jared's and quickly darted to the floor. His fist was clenched at his side. 

“Connor! Is everything alright?” A doctor approached. 

“Oh, um… Yeah.” Connor looked down. Jared shared a glance with Evan as if to say, ‘ _ WHat the fuck?’  _

“Any more problems? How is thera-”   
  


“Therapy is great.”  Connor interrupted, visibly tenser by the moment. “I haven’t tried anything else and everyone is getting along I’m just here with my friend from my team.” He mumbled. 

Sensing tension, Jared tried to get out of the hospital. “Well we should be going, my parents will want me to call and update them since I’m holding the fort down.” He chuckled awkwardly. 

The doctor looked between them and nodded. “Well, proud of you Connor. I hope your recovery continues to go smoothly.” He walked away without another glance. 

Connor practically ran out, Jared and Evan lagging behind. 

“You do know I just passed out, right? And all I had to eat was a hospital pudding cup?” He sighed. “ _ And  _ you’re like 5 fucking inches taller than I am.” 

“I don’t need a ride.” 

“Y-Your house is twenty minutes away and the nearest bus station is the opposite- the opposite direction.” Evan sighed. 

Connor glared at Evan, and if Jared didn’t know better he would’ve been frightened for his friend.  Connor sighed “I guess. But I’m driving.” 

Jared rolled his eyes, calling “Shotgun!”. Evan threw the keys to Connor.

They rode in silence ten minutes later after Evan was dropped off, Jared occasionally flipping through radio stations. He sat back with a groan. “So, what was that doctor about?”

Connor’s grip on the wheel tightened. “What was you not eating about?” 

“I don’t think your doctor had anything to do with  _ you _ trying to be captain. But touche.” He looked over to the brunet. “Whatever it is, I’m guessing it’s over now. So it’s not like it matters.” 

The car was silent for a beat, then Connor sighed. “I swallowed some pills. He was the one on call when I was there and saw it as some personal duty to make sure I recovered.” He rolled his eyes, pulling into his driveway and ignoring a wide-eyed Jared. “It doesn’t matter anymore,  _ right _ ?” 

He composed himself quickly. “Y-yeah. Right. I’ll see you later, Murphy.” 

“Only if you’re lucky.” The brunet called, and Jared thought he saw the traces of a smirk as he ran up the small step into the Murphy household. 

 

* * *

 

 

The night ended to a tense Connor eating dinner with a family that tried to ignore his skirt, and Evan who’s mom was out at class  _ again _ , and a Jared who told the parents that were on a business trip that the pep rally had been boring. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Save my boys they're all dealing with their own shit (sadly I think Evan is the only one who doesn't have some dark/mysterious past or present YET) (dun dun dunnn) 
> 
> Honestly, I didn't mean to make this so angsty but it IS me so...


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evan is a mother hen, Jared doesn't learn, Connor is bad at friends, and Alana is nervous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still alive I swear I just started school over a month ago and get drained easier than my 90 year old great grandmother

Monday brought more school, which Jared was dreading. Passing out at a pep rally was nothing special, but the stares of the people in the hallways made him feel like it was some huge thing. It was as if he had a sign on his head stating ‘ask about my health **.** ’ 

 

Because of this, the stares he got when he stepped into the lunchroom weren’t shocking, but he blushed regardless.

 

“I’m- I’m sure it’ll blow over soon.” Evan assured him.

 

“I fucking hope so.” Jared sighed. Laying his head down on the table, he waited for the bell to ring. 

 

“H-have you eaten any-anything?” 

 

He shook his head. Two seconds later, half of Evan’s sandwich was placed in front of him. 

 

“I’m not-” 

 

“Eat it.”

  
  


* * *

 

 

 

Practice was tiring, but Jared refused to complain. 

 

After assuring the coach that  _ yes, he was fine _  -for the twelfth time- she had made them run laps. And of course, he had to be at the front if he wanted to be captain. 

 

Or, he would be at the front, if Connor didn’t keep catching up to him. But, as if to taunt him, Connor never passed him. 

 

“Fuck off, Murphy!” He wheezed out. It was Jared’s fifth lap, so why did Connor have any right to be a dick?   
  


Just as Connor smirked and went to reply, the coach blew her whistle. 

 

They sat on the bleachers as she stood in front of them “Okay, team. The pep rally went pretty good, other than a few minor problems-” She was interrupted by giggles, and Jared looked away. “And I have decided who is in my top two choices to be captain.” 

All of the cheerleaders went silent, scooting to the edges of their seats and leaning forward. 

 

“THe captain is either going to be Jared Kleinman-” His heart stopped beating for a second, and he was consumed with slight pride. “-Or Connor Murphy.” 

 

_ Fuck.  _ He was going to have to work so much harder. 

 

* * *

 

 

If Connor were honest, he hadn’t expected the position of captain to be so close for him. He was late to practice, sometimes he would show up high (a habit he hadn’t quit even with therapy), and if he were even more honest? He was a dick. 

 

Sure, he tried with cheerleading- he tried harder in cheerleading than he had ever tried with anything other than dying- but if he were honest, he had expected Jared to get the position. 

 

But now? The game was on. 

 

And he was going to swallow every old habit that he still had that told him to be an ass to the competition. Jared was the closest thing he had to a friend shockingly, and he wasn’t reading to lose that. 

 

It started on Tuesday. He grabbed his lunch, walked over, and sat right beside that kid that had carried Jared to the nurse’s office. He jumped, and looked Connor up and down. Jared just glared. 

 

“Howdy.” He monotoned, taking a bite of his sandwich. 

 

“The fuck are you doing here, Murphy?” Jared said, and Connor noticed that he had barely eaten the already half sandwich in front of him. 

 

“Um,” He looked around  him. “Learning, I think? What else would I be doing here, Kleinman?” 

 

“I- um, I think he means what you’re- what you’re doing at our table.” 

 

Connor rolled his eyes.  There was a minute of silence. Then, Jared began speaking at the same time as he did.

 

“Well? Why the fuck-”

 

“I want to make a truce.” 

 

Jared snorted. “A truce? Really? This isn’t war, Murphy. And if I don’t want to eat lunch with you, I can just walk away.” He got up, throwing his uneaten sandwich away and slinging his bag over his shoulder. 

 

Evan looked between them, and got up to follow his friend. 

 

* * *

 

 

To say Alana was nervous would be the understatement of the year. 

 

She was almost shaking with nerves -or it could’ve been the three coffees she had had- and her thoughts only made it worse as she eyed Zoe from the other side of the hallway. 

 

All she had to do was get over there. Ask if Zoe wanted to get coffee. Simple. Alana took a step forward, and caught Zoe’s eye. 

 

Nope, abort mission. She smiled towards Zoe, doing a quick 180 and walking away fast. 

 

“Alana!”  _ great. _

 

“Zoe! Hi, I didn’t see you there!” She lied with a smile. 

 

“Oh,” The brunette faltered. “I just thought I would come and say hi. So, “ She waved a hand. “Hi.” 

 

“Hello.” There was an awkward pause.

 

“So, hows mathletes?” Zoe feigned interest.

 

“Oh, we’re great. We have a competition really soon and almost no one is prepared, and then I have to fix the shirts again and-” She stopped herself. “We’re great. How’s marching band?” 

 

“Pretty awesome.” Zoe nodded, giving way to another silence. 

 

Alana could do this. Just ask, right?

 

“Do you wanna-”

 

“Are you free-”

 

“Go ahead,” Alana smiled. 

 

“No, you can.” 

 

“Okay,” Alana took a deep breath. Prepare for the worst, hope for the best, right? “Would you like to go to coffee  with me? On Saturday ”

 

Zoe lit up, just a bit. “Saturday? That sounds great.”

 

Alana smiled wider. “Great.”

 

Zoe’s name was called, seemingly by a jazz band member. “Send me the details?” 

 

Alana nodded and Zoe turned, catching up with a junior and unable to see the happily awestruck look on Alana’s face.   
  
  
  
  
  



	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alana drags Jared -and as a result, Evan and Connor- to a GSA meeting. Things are learned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> they're all so gay I love them so much 
> 
> Sorry for the chapter delay, I've been having motivation issues and this fic isn't as popular as the others so I've been trying to work chapters out for all of them while making people happy all the same 
> 
> Hope you like xx
> 
> also note: Pls don't hate Jared/Connor for being a bit mean they're new to this

“Let me get this straight…” Jared looked Alana up and down, eyeing the flyer in her hand uneasily. “You think I’m not?”

 

Alana gave what Jared guessed she thought was an encouraging smile. “Well… Yes. You’re a cheerleader, and if you aren’t gay then-”

 

“I’m not,” Jared corrected quickly, crossing his arms.

 

“-Then we could always use more allies.” She paused. “Especially if the ally is on a popular team such as cheerleading?” 

 

Jared eyed her, the conclusion finally clicking in his head. “So you want me to join your gay club-”

 

“GSA.” She corrected.

 

“-Right. But you want me to join your  _ GSA _ just because having a cheerleader ally will make the club seem less lame.” 

 

“Well, I guess so.” Alana nodded. “If possible, you could also try to rope Evan or Connor into joining.” 

 

“Oh, definitely.” Jared chuckled. “If I’m going, the skirt and the tree lover will be there for sure.” 

 

* * *

 

 

“-You signed- You signed me up for  _ what? _ ” Evan looked up, his sandwich falling out of his hands and back onto his plate. 

“GSA. Connor’s coming too.” 

Connor shrugged. “Whatever.” 

“I’m- I can’t- Most of the guys on the- on the, um, team, are just now starting to accept me? I can’t- don’t want to- um, mess that up.” Evan blushed. He looked over at Jared, pushing a ‘convenient’ extra bag of chips his way. 

“I already told Alana you would. And you know she hunts people down. C’mon, Evan! She even scheduled it to where you didn’t have to miss practice.” Jared stated, ignoring the chips and standing up.

Evan blushed. “Well… If she um, if she went through that much trouble…” 

“Great.” Jared cackled. 

 

* * *

 

 

It made a lot of sense, Connor thought, on why Alana needed more ‘popular’ people in the club; There were 7 members, including himself, Evan, and Jared. Nonetheless, the group still seemed animated, as Alana was currently having what seemed to be a conversation about the importance of representation.

Don’t get Connor wrong, he was 100% gay. Full homo. But this, this was a lot. He wasn’t used to socializing with a number of people, and the last ‘club’ he had been to was a forced study group just so he would pass 11th-grade math. 

However, it was not shocking to see his sister walk over to the only other guy in the club and strike up a conversation. Meanwhile, the bell rang and he settled into a seat beside Jared. 

“Um, well, welcome members!” Alana started off. “I see all… Four of us are here, along with some new people. Not bad for our second week. So, as agreed on in the last meeting, we’ll go around the room and talk about who we are, the label we identify with- If we have one, that is- and then maybe something that concerns us about what has been going on with LGBTQIA+ members?” 

Connor held back a groan. Meanwhile, a note was casually -in a Jared way- thrown onto his lap. Connor opened it, taking a moment to read the chicken scratch that was Jared’s handwriting. 

**I lost track after T wtf**

He stifled a laugh, scribbling something back while Alana was reading off events that they could join. 

_ If she wants concerns just say “all those fucking letters” jesus _

He clumsily handed the letter back. 

Jared read it quickly, and -before Connor could stop the impending disaster- Busted out into a fit of giggles. 

Alana stopped talking and looked somewhat insulted. Composing herself, she turned to Jared. “Jared, is something... funny?”

Evan looked as if he would like to evaporate. Connor imagined his face was as red as a tomato. Jared, however, held a blank face. “Nah, not at all.” 

Alana raised an eyebrow. “Okay, fine. Since you decided something was so  _ funny, _ ” Connor saw in her expression that she was getting mad. Even he could tell that a mad Alana was not good. “You can start us off. Name, labels, concerns?” 

Jared’s face was a light shade of pink. “Jared, surprise surprise. I have no fucking clue. No concerns.” 

Alana tilted her head. “So you’re… Confused?” 

“Yep. Next person.” Jared insisted, and Connor had the suspicion that Jared was uncomfortable talking about this. 

All eyes in the room turned to Evan. 

* * *

 

 

Evan felt himself shrinking under the glare of the group members. “Oh- uh- um… I’m Evan. Hansen…” A long pause.  _ Oh, yeah, right. Talking.  _ “I- uh- I think I might be… Bisexual? I- um- I haven’t- Um- I haven’t told many people…” His voice got quieter, and he looked over to Jared in fear of what his friend might say about this. He was shocked to find his friend looking as if he were more thinking about what Evan had said instead of how best to insult it. 

“Thank you for sharing.” Alana nodded and put on what Evan thought was probably her best attempt at an encouraging smile. It didn’t work. 

The group continued on, two members speaking up -including Zoe, who smiled at Evan after admitting she was also bisexual. Finally, the member right before Alana spoke up. “Hi, I’m Jake.” The guy that Evan recognized as both a member of his team and the only male in the group waved. “I’m pansexual, and-” 

He was interrupted by a loud scoff from close to Evan.  _ Oh boy. _

“ _ Jared, _ ” Alana’s eyes snapped to Evan’s companion. “What is it  _ now?!”  _

“Oh, it’s nothing. Just, what the hell is pansexual? Do I need to like, make sure this guy doesn’t assault my fucking kitchenware?”

Jake sat up. “Look, dude, I-”

“Jared,” Alana interrupted. “Pansexual basically means that Jake has no gender preference to who he dates. Please, stop interjecting or I might have to kick you out of this group.” Alana stated, a calm facade masking what was probably intense anger. 

Jared slid in his chair a little, an odd expression on his face. “Fine.” 

 

* * *

 

 

The group disbanded a little after 4:30, the group -or most of them- having taken extra time to snack on the doughnuts Alana had brought. Jared offered Evan and Connor a ride.

The drive was silent, with Connor listening to his music in the backseat whilst Evan scrolled on what Jared saw out of the corner of his eye to be a blog about nature. 

After dropping his “friends” off at their respective houses, Jared walked up the stairs and settled in, deep in thought and barely listening to the faint sounds of his mother cooking dinner below. The realisation had come during the club meeting. 

Jared Kleinman was pansexual. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Idk if y'all will like this chapter but I did lol 
> 
> Spot the reference to another musical (and a hc from it) 
> 
> Also, I have no idea about y'all but it's my personal hc that Jared is pan so


	9. Chapter 9

When Jared first got up, he groaned at the thought of a game. It was Friday, meaning another round of pyramids, and ‘dazzling’ tricks that tested both his patience and his flexibility. He sighed at the last thought.  _ Cheerleaders are supposed to be flexible. Especially if they want to be cheer captains.  _

 

He had no chance. 

 

Despite that, he got up, changing into a uniform that wasn’t so snug anymore. The good part about working himself constantly was that at least he was starting to see a change - in his size. He couldn’t see an actual change yet, but when he stood up he blacked out for a moment. 

 

He checked his phone, seeing that he had a text from his mother. 

 

**From: Mom -_-**

Going out of town again hon! Your father and I love you!

 

He rolled his eyes. It wasn’t like he needed to know anymore, at this point it was assumed that his parents would not be home. 

 

**To: Mom -_-**

Staying at Evs

 

He shot another text to Evan about staying there, and packed his bags to get ready for the weekend. 

 

* * *

 

 

Connor honestly hated his parents sometimes. 

Out of all the therapy he had gone to, learning to get along with Zoe, and even learning to talk to classmates, that was one thing he couldn’t stop. 

_ Especially _ when Larry was making him late to school because of the way he was dressing. 

“Now I’ve excused skirts, and I’ve let it go with the weed, but a  _ crop top _ ? Connor Lawrence Murphy. Go change.” Larry sighed, looking at Cynthia as if he expected her to fully agree. Connor didn’t doubt that she did in all honesty. 

“Larry.” He rolled his eyes. “No one gives half a shit on if I wear a crop top. I’m going to school, finally, so fuck off.” 

Just as he slammed the door behind him, deciding to walk -Zoe had left early to get to jazz band- he spotted Evan from across the street. 

Time to make another friend. 

 

* * *

 

 

Jared  _ really _ hated game days. He had to spend the entire day trying not to overexert himself, on the off chance that  _ maybe _ coach would decide he was good enough to be captain and decide to show his cheer skills off. 

He was in math when the note got passed to him. Anonymously. 

_ Heard you were at the gay club meeting. Fitting, for someone who was already so obviously gay. Might as well wear a skirt too, you f--. Or are you too fat for that? Might as well quit, you’re-  _

“Jared?” He was snapped out of reading the note for a fiftieth time. Evan was staring at him, looking frightened. “The- um, the lunch bell rang ten minutes ago.” 

Jared nodded, getting up. “I’m okay- I’m. Great.” 

Evan tilted his head. “W-What’s that?” 

“Nothing.” 

 

* * *

 

 

Connor didn’t know Jared all that well, but he knew when something was up. The shakiness, the fact that he was on the verge of tears and trying to hide it, it was pretty obvious. 

Nonetheless, he wouldn’t bring anything up until Jared -or Evan- did. 

Evan adamantly tried to force Jared to eat, and Jared ate half a sandwich just to soothe his friend.  It was a normal day. 

Until Jared got up, a scrap of paper falling out of his pocket as he went. 

Connor was about to give it to him, until he read what it said. 

Connor didn’t know Jared that well, but nobody deserved half of what that note said. And he was willing to try his best just to track down whatever asshole was doing this. But for that, he needed help. 

“Hey, Evan. Alana.” 

 

* * *

Jared never thought he would be so thankful for the day to end. He was tired, he was hungry, and he felt sick. 

Regardless of any of that, he still had to cheer at a game. He ignored looking in the mirror, as he put on the same cheer outfit as usual. Last minute, he was stopped by Connor. 

“Kleinman, here.” 

It was… A skirt. He glared at Connor, craning his next to look up at the boy. “No.” He monotoned. 

Connor raised an eyebrow, rolling his eyes. “C’mon, do it.” 

“Nope. Never. Not happening.” 

“... Please?” 

He paused. Was Connor the one who gave him the note? Could he be that ruthless? 

“ _ Why? _ ” He folded his arms. 

“I’m... “ Connor paused, then sighed. “Fine. Not that it gets to me or anything, but I got a note that said some mean things and I-” 

“You can’t take some mean words, Murphy?”  _ Hypocrite. _ Jared’s thoughts mocked him.

“Of course I can, asshole. I just didn’t want to stand alone. It’s whatever.” Connor turned, and went to walk out onto the field. 

_ Shit. _ He grabbed Connor’s arm. “Fine. Just,” He looked down at the skirt. “Give me a minute to change.” 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, I finally got Jared in a skirt!
> 
> Also about the note, it won't be a HUGE thing but I thought of a plot point for it so yeah 
> 
> (Also, about what Connor said [to clear things up]; He didn't actually get a note. He just knew that Jared wouldn't say that he did.) 
> 
> Sorry if anything was OOC!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So in case you don't remember what happened (sorry) here's a little previously on: 
> 
> Last chapter, Jared got a note from someone that said a bunch of rude things and tried to hide it but Connor found it after Jared walked away. Connor lied to Jared and said that HE got a note, which convinced Jared to wear a skirt.

Stepping out onto the field in November in a _skirt_ was harder than Murphy made it look. Jared shivered, making a mental note to buy himself some good skin colored leggings.

 

He looked over at Connor, who was rubbing his own arms and trying to look effortless while obviously cold. _Two pairs of leggings, then._ He rolled his eyes.

 

He looked out across the field, at the opposite team since theirs hadn't been called out yet. They were big and burly, and looked like they ate steroids for breakfast.

 

Jared was very thankful that he was a cheerleader.

  
Standing in the front, he could see the coach easily. Especially when she stepped forward to call then to attention. “Girls,” she gave a reluctant look to the two boys in skirts. “ _and guys,_ you see what our team is against. Cheer loud and proud. READY?”

 

* * *

 

 

Evan waited for the call to run out on the field, knowing that he would feel better about his odds when he was surrounded by cheers for him. For the time being he had to deal with unpleasant “but what if you fall, or pass ball to the wrong person or-"

 

“Guys,” the quarterback interrupted. “The guys out there are huge.” This was met with a chorus of both fear and sarcasm. “But we got this. Try not to let them tackle you guys, though. This team has caused more injuries than any high school team I've seen, even _when_ they play fair.”

 

There was their cue to leave from the coach. “We've got this! Let's go!”

 

* * *

 

 

Connor stood at the front, cheering as loud as he possibly could. It was obvious that everyone on their side had come to the same conclusion as all of the team's, as they were cheering and screaming louder than the cheerleaders as the team ran on the field.

 

He rolled his eyes. None of them had school spirit until a possible injury was involved. _Go figure._

 

He looked over to Jared, who was shivering. He kind of regretted making him wear the skirt, if he were honest. He barely knew why he asked.

 

Nope, that was wrong. He did. It was just dumb to make up getting a terrible note to comfort someone who got a worse note.

  
As the players lined up, he cheered even louder. He didn't have much spirit, but being lost in the attempt to be captain hid the fact that _Connor Murphy_ , the same one with the most badass reputation at school, was blushing with something that was a mix of guilt and… he didn't know the other feeling. Feelings were dumb anyway.

 

* * *

 

 

Jared watched for Evans number the entire game, even almost gasping when Evan dodged a huge player. The entire team was on their toes, and it showed in the fact that it was halfway through the game and they had been so adamant to dodge that they had barely scored.

 

Jared’s stomach growled during their break after the halftime dance, and he thought for just a second that maybe he could sneak off to get some food.

 

And then he thought of the note hidden in the pocket of his jeans in the locker room, and changed his mind.

 

He looked down at the ground, trying his hardest to focus on something else to will the thought of the note away. Someone bumped shoulders with him.

 

“‘Sup.” Connor was steadily sipping at a Capri Sun from the cooler at the front of their stand. He offered one to Jared, but he shook his head.

 

It was quiet. Awkwardly quiet.

 

“Jared.”

 

He looked up, and Connor’s cheeks were tinted slightly red. He almost looked nervous.

 

“I found the note.”

 

He found his voice being high pitched. “ _Note?_ What note? Are you try-trying to throw me off, Murphy?” He faked a chuckle. “Nice try.”

 

Connor rolled his eyes. “They're assholes, and you should've at least if you didn't tell me told Ev-"

 

He was interrupted by the crowd making a groaning noise. They turned to the field, where a small pile of football players were getting up after having been in a pile.

 

Evan got up, flashing a thumbs up towards Jared.

 

Jared was thankful that the coach called themback to cheer before Connor could say anything else.

 

* * *

 

 

They lost the game by only a few points, and despite their loss Evan held his head up high. He went home that night and stayed up to explain what happened to Heidi. 

 

She stayed later than he thought, and he ended up falling asleep at the dinner table.

 

* * *

 

 

As soon as Connor got to school Monday, Alana found him. Evan was already with her.

“I've processed the fingerprints- don't worry I slipped the note back into a pocket in his book bag- and now all we need is some suspects.” 

Connor and Evan exchanged looks.  _ Shit _ , they had nothing. 

“Well,” Alana cleared her throat. “I'd start with the football team- relatively easy to get as Evan is on there, just gotta check some equipment or something- and then… I'd move on to the cheerleaders.” 

“Wait,” Connor interrupted. “Why cheerleaders?” 

“Simply put,” Alana sighed. “Cheerleaders are usually from hell,  according to movies. And plus, you two gave them no chance for captain. “ 

Connor sighed. “Just tell me if or when I have to get the prints.”

They broke from their group, each rushing to their own classes. Connor had to admit that this would be way harder than he thought. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!!!


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zoe and Alana go on a date, Connor almost commits a misdemeanor, Evan and Jared hang out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoops, I totally forgot this existed. Read some of my other writing if you don't mind? Updates soon!

 

Alana was pacing. No, she was more than pacing. She was erratic, so nervous - in a good way- that it felt like her skeleton would jump out of her skin and start pacing independently.

 

She tried to calm herself. It was just Zoe, right? Zoe, who smiled brighter than the sun and made Alana’s heart speed up -kind of like it was doing now, a fast  _ thumpthumpthump _ that made it really hard to  _ just. Ring. The. Door. Bell. _

 

She sighed, straightening the skirt that she had taken 40 minutes -exactly- to decide on, and reached forward to ring the doorbell. 

 

The door opened, and Alana couldn't breathe. She was breathtaking, and the way her eyes lit up when she saw Alana made the same overbeating heart stop. 

 

“Alana?” 

 

She snapped out of her thoughts, placing a less lovestruck smile on her face. “hm?” 

 

“I asked what our big plans were.” Zoe giggled. 

 

“Oh, uh, um…”  _ shit.  _ Everything she had planned for the day left her mind, leaving her to stutter a feeble “um l-lunch?” 

 

Zoe gave a shy smile. “Lunch sounds great. Anywhere specific?” 

 

An idea popped into Alana’s head, leaving her clear and determined on what she wanted to do. She hesitantly took Zoe’s hand. “I know the perfect place.”

  
  


* * *

 

Zoe had never really been on a romantic or lavish date. The most anyone had ever done for her was the movies or that time that guy tried way too hard to touch her boobs and she came home crying after they got into an argument (the guy later surprisingly came to school beat up and bloody and, despite having nothing to do with it, Zoe was seen as a badass. That was the first time her and her brother had a heart-to-heart in a while). So when Alana got that sparkling look in her eyes that made Zoe feel a little dizzy, she ate it up. 

 

And the plan was simply breathtaking. A beautiful spot by a lake with a basket of food and the softest blanket that they could purchase at the nearest store. Alana had been shy when she proposed the idea, but when Zoe had giggled and replied that it sounded “just, great.” They had discovered that they were quite the pair when it came to shopping.

 

After Zoe almost got them kicked out (apparently the baby scooters are  _ just _ there for the babies. Rude.) and Alana dropped about five things just because Zoe decided that would be a good time to step a  _ little _ closer, they had some chicken nuggets, an entire bottle of barbecue sauce, and some fresh lemonade. It was like the stars aligned when they saw the park, a hole in the wall on a side of town they had never been to.  

 

The sky was clear despite the fact that the leaves were falling, and it was one of those days where it was just cold enough to sit close together with an excuse but just hot enough that they weren’t shivering. They talked and laughed about things that happened in mathletes, or sewing club, or marching band. Alana told Zoe about the clubs she thought she would like, and Zoe talked about the newest music from her favorite bands. Somehow, they ended up laying on their backs on the blanket, hands interlocked. 

 

“I don’t know, I mean I just used to find some of the craziest shit in the clouds. My mom would see animals and I’d be like ‘oh look, its Jesus.’ My family is Jewish.” Zoe said, looking at the lazily. 

 

Alana laughed. “Oh my god. I used to look for the most specific stuff, I once told my mom that Henry the third was in the clouds.” 

 

Zoe looked at Alana, heart fluttering. She was looking up to the sky with a content smile, and Zoe felt in that moment that no matter how beautiful the sky was, it would never compare to this. She leaned forward- as good as she could while laying down- and kissed Alana’s cheek. 

 

It felt perfect. 

 

* * *

  
  


Less than perfect, however, was Connor’s situation. Being that he had an average in science class similar to Alana’s -when he did his work to stay on the team, at least- he had offered to take over fingerprint processing. Thirty-four fingerprints later, he had already gotten through the junior varsity team, the cheerleaders and half of the football team.

 

Nada. Nothing. Zilch. 

 

Whatever. He couldn’t help thinking it would be more fun if Jared or even Evan were there. But Jared would kill them if he found out, and Evan was the distraction considering Jared had asked Connor if he wanted to come over and watch shitty horror movies or something. He actually kind of wished he could’ve been there, as he and Jared had only hung out outside of school one other time and that was when they saw each other at the infamous party. He still could barely remember what had happened. 

 

He compared another set of fingerprints, looking for the tell-tale markings of the fingerprints.  _ Please match already,  _ he asked silently. He guessed someone heard him because this was it. He was holding the culprit's fingerprint. Great. Just perfect. Asshole. 

 

He called Zoe, but she didn’t pick her phone up despite the three calls he had made. Alana was also a no-show. He called Evan once, twice- 

 

“Hello?” It was whispered as if there were something Evan was hiding from. 

 

“Hey, Evan,” Connor sighed. “I found the motherfucker who sent the note. Your teammate has some explaining to do.” 

 

“My-My teammate?” Evan asked. “Which one?” He heard a groan on the other side of the receiver. “I gotta- gotta go. I woke Jared up.” 

 

Connor rolled his eyes, not wanting to admit that he actually wished that he were hanging out with someone. What was the point of having friends if you couldn’t hang out with them? “Whatever. Later.” 

 

Looking at the fingerprints, he got an idea. 

 

_ Let’s hope the coach doesn't have cameras around his house. _

 

 

* * *

 

 

Jared woke up at 3 AM, the tv showing some infomercial that had been on for as long as he had been alive for a product he doubted even worked. He looked around lit by the blue glow of the tv, standing up slowly so that Evan didn’t notice that he wasn’t leaning on his shoulder anymore. 

 

He was surprised his parents hadn’t woken him up when they got home and yelled at him for the house being so dirty, but judging by the five texts he had, his parents weren’t coming home yet. He frowned, pocketing the almost-dead phone and deciding to find his charger. After he used the bathroom, at least. 

 

He made a B-line straight for the toilet as soon as he got in, trying to avoid what was most likely a disgusting reflection. Every time he looked in the mirror, he felt he couldn’t stop, flaw after flaw piling up until all he wanted to do was lay in bed and pretend he didn’t exist.

 

His stomach growled, startling him.  _ Great.  _ Now he only had to think about looking in the mirror to spiral. What was happening to him? 

 

Leaving the bathroom, he went upstairs and found his charger. Just then, the phone rang. An unidentified number. 

 

“Hello?” He asked, confused on who would be calling at this time. 

 

“Jared? Hey, it’s Connor.” 

 

Jared furrowed his eyebrows. “Connor? What are you doing at 3 in the fucking morning? Why aren’t you just calling on your cell? Where the hell are you?” Okay, so he still had a bit of a grudge from Connor cancelling. 

 

“Long story. Look, uh, I don’t think I can tell you whats going on, but Evan didn’t answer, and-” Jared’s stomach sank. Since when were Evan and Connor besties? “So, can you wake him up?” 

 

“What?”

 

“Will you wake Evan up and get him on the phone. I didn’t want to have to call but I walked here and I’m at some fucking creepy ass gas station.” He could hear the eye roll in Connor’s voice. 

 

“Yeah. Fine. Whatever.” He walked out, kicking Evan in the shins and dropping his phone in his friends lap. “You have a gentleman caller.” 

 

Evan sat up. “Hello?” He asked groggily, listening for a minute. “Connor, uh, you- you fucking  _ what _ ?” He sat up straight, looking around. “Yeah, uh, I’ll be there, just, um… Don’t get killed.” He hung up, looking at Jared guiltily. “I have to go.” 

 

* * *

  
  


When Evan showed up at the gas station Connor had told him about, the first thing he thought is that this was the last place that anyone he knew should be. 

 

As soon as he got out of the car to look for Connor, he smelled the grime. It was like walking into the bathroom at a beach, the smell that was like a mix of wet dog and general mud clinging to every inch of the pavement and beyond. He locked the doors, cringing at the chirp the beat up car his mother had gotten him made. 

 

Knowing better than to go calling out for his friend, he entered the gas station and looked around. No Connor. He bought a candy bar anyway to be nice. 

 

Leaving the store, he rounded a corner, passing a woman who made a very explicative comment about what she could do if he paid her. He sighed, praying he would find Connor soon. As he turned yet another corner, he saw Connor reaching into his pocket as a rough looking guy speed walked away. 

 

“Oh. Hey.” Connor said, not meeting Evan’s eyes. 

 

“What was, um, what was that about?” 

 

Connor shrugged. “Random guy. Asked if he could use my phone to call his parents. Told him I didn’t have it.” They started back towards the car, Connor’s hands in the pockets of his jacket and their footsteps making a small squelch from the small amount of rain that must’ve happened when Evan and Jared were passed out. Evan noted that Connor must have been outside at the time, as his hair was still slightly damp and heavy against his shoulders. There were purple bags under his eyes, and Evan couldn’t help but wonder if Connor was having as much trouble sleeping as Jared seemed to be having. They got into the car, and Evan drove off quickly. 

 

“Oh, um, yeah. You told me you didn’t have your phone, what happened?” 

 

Connor sighed a long sigh. “Yeah. About that. I may or may not have almost broke into Chris Sanko’s house.”

 

Evan nearly wrecked. “You- You fucking, um, you what? The quarterback? Why?” 

 

“I almost committed a misdemeanor.” Connor shrugged, and Evan felt that despite his calm he was panicking a little. 

 

“Wh-why?” 

 

“He’s the asshole who gave Jared the note.” Connor put his feet up on Evan’s dash. 

 

“Wait. Um, what the fuck does this-what does this have to do with your phone?”

 

“Oh. Yeah. Their alarms went off and while I was running away I dropped my phone. My parents are gonna be pissed.”

 

“Uh… Probably not as, um, not as pissed as you’re gonna be. You do, um, you know they can find out its your phone right?” Evan winced. 

 

Connor sat back in his seat. “Fuck.” 

  
  



	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ****TW: Mention of eating disorder-like behavior****
> 
> Thank you for reading but PLEASE be nice if you're commenting! Not @ anyone but simply commenting ordering me to update comes off as disrespectful :)))

Zoe woke up to a frazzled Cynthia at the end of her bed. 

 

“Has your brother texted you? He wasn’t in his bed, and he won't answer the phone.” 

 

She groaned, rolling over and checking her phone. “4 AM. He said Evan’s house. Can I go the fuck back to sleep now?” 

 

Cynthia gasped. “Watch your mouth!” Still standing at the edge of Zoe’s bed, she looked around and sighed. “Well, he at least could’ve told me or your father. Also, clean up your room if you want to hang out with any more of your friends.” 

 

When the door finally closed, Zoe rolled over in her bed and checked her texts. 

 

**From: Alana <3**

Hey Zoe! I had lots of fun yesterday. We should do it again soon, are you free Wednesday?

 

She smiled, ignoring the red that passed over her cheeks at the prospect of seeing Alana again. 

 

**To: Alana <3 **

Sounds great :))

 

After pressing  _ send _ , she looked around her room. Guess she knew what she would be doing the rest of the day. 

 

* * *

 

Connor never really imagined he would wake up in Evan Hansen’s arms, or that Jared would be slung over his lap at an awkward angle. Sleepovers hadn’t really been his thing. At least he had gotten the quietest, parent-free,  _ mostly _ stress-free sleep he had gotten in a long time. 

 

At least, until Jared accidentally crushed his legs in an attempt to get up. If he didn’t have any consideration for Evan, he would’ve groaned. Jared dragged his feet over to the bathroom down the hall, lightly slamming the door.  _ So much for the quiet _ , he thought as he felt Evan jump. 

 

He slid over to the other side of the couch, plugging his phone up. It was quiet, the soft sounds of the shower -and at one point, the  _ clang _ that told them Jared had dropped something- in the background. Connor looked over at Evan and sighed. “So, football seems pretty… Cool.” 

 

Evan snorted. “Oh- uh, yeah. It, um, it can be. Sometimes coach is a- he can be- a dick.” Connor raised his eyebrows, and Evan averted his eyes to the carpet with a small stain of whatever juice-box Jared had been drinking last night when he spilled it two minutes in. “I guess his, um, his son can be too.” 

 

Connor nodded. “Yeah. Fuck that guy.” 

 

They were quiet for a beat, some hellish kid cartoon that had been doomed to Sunday reruns playing. 

 

Evan cleared his throat. “Um, do you- could we- are we ever gonna, um, tell Jared? About… All of that?” 

 

“We can’t. He would kill us, dude.” Connor instantly replied. “I want to tell him, but he barely likes me alr-” 

 

“What the fuck would I kill you for?” Jared asked, emerging from the hallway with a smile as if he thought they were joking. When Connor and Evan locked eyes, he could tell that Evan was thinking the same thing: How much of that exactly had Jared heard? 

 

“Oh-Uh-I-Um-”

 

“We were just-”

 

“Your birthday!” Evan exclaimed. 

 

“Yes.” Connor clenched his teeth. “We were planning a surprise birthday party.” 

 

Jared looked between the two, his face turning red. “Okay, fine. Connor, when is my birthday?” 

 

Connor flushed. “Uh, um… The… Twentieth? Of… September.” 

 

Jared tried to laugh, the look crossing his face a  mix of pain and confusion. “You were so close! So, so close. Not, actually Connor, it’s the goddamn  _ fifth. _ Of March. What were you shits actually talking about?” 

 

Evan and Connor seemed to be in an intense staring contest, and Connor kind of wished that he could just relent and finally tell Jared what had happened. But Jared would hate them for meddling, wouldn’t he? 

 

Evan broke first. “We analyzed the um, the note. We know which asshole sent it.” 

 

Jared stopped short, and Connor couldn’t tell whether the emotion that passed his face was rage or panic. “You what? You do?” He crossed the room and sat down beside Evan. “Why are you... Just let it go, I wanted you to let it go!” 

 

Connor pretended not to notice the panicked tears pooling in Jared’s eyes. “We’re trying to help. You know, like friends do.” 

 

Jared glared. “Well fucking stop it, alright? I don’t need you guys making it worse!”

 

“Look, Jared, we-we found out who was doing it. And I- I still want to, um, to tell him to knock it off. You don’t deserve- you shouldn’t have to deal with that.” 

 

Jared turned red, getting up.”Fine. You guys wanna be some kind of fucking Nancy Drew stalkers, go ahead!” The door slammed behind him as he left. 

 

Connor looked at Evan, who was staring at the door as if he felt he had done something deeply wrong. “Well, that could have gone better.” 

 

* * *

 

 

When Jared got home, he wasn’t even surprised to see that his parents weren’t there. He didn't care anymore. He was friendless, basically parentless, and there was no way in hell that someone who looked and acted the way he did would ever be captain, the one thing in his life that he had worked for for the past two years. 

 

Maybe he overreacted, he thought. Maybe Connor and Evan weren’t talking about him. Maybe the grass was blue and the sky was green. They had obviously been talking about him, from their guilty looks to the fact that Evan had always been a shit liar unless it was about himself. 

 

Was it all a joke? Maybe Connor and Evan had sent the note, and that’s how Connor knew about it in the first place. Fuck, he let Connor trick him into wearing a skirt, for God's sake! How could he have been so stupid? 

 

He stomped upstairs to the bathroom, wiping the tears from his blurry eyes. What was he, a fucking teenage girl? He was being dramatic. He needed to close his eyes and count to ten, and everything would be okay, right? One… Two… Three… 

 

He got to ten, to twenty, to thirty. His hands were still shaking, and the feeling in his stomach stayed ever-present. He looked at the broken teenager in the mirror, wondering how in the world he could possibly look like such a mess. His eyes were red, and the tears didn’t stop no matter how much he tried the breathing exercises that Heidi had taught him to use with Evan. A strangled sob left his throat. 

 

The more he sat and tried to calm himself down, the more he noticed how much the redness in his cheeks accentuated his double chin, and how his belt was a couple notches too tight around his stomach. He thought back to the note, the awful things that it said for over half a page. It was  _ right _ , though. He was too big, too awful, too ugly to ever be anything he wanted to be. He couldn’t even starve himself right! It wasn’t even shocking that Evan and Connor were behind his backs about the note. 

 

He looked over at his toothbrush, remembering some of the awful and sickening things he had read online posted by girls who had dropped weight way too quickly to be ‘healthy’.  _ But what did he care about healthy? _

 

* * *

 

Evan stared at Jared wearily over lunch. The boy had barely said a word to him since he sat down but was eating a sandwich in lieu of conversation. Connor seemed to be just as on edge. 

 

“Jared, I-uh- I wanted to say… I’m sorry. About- you know- everything that happened the other night.” 

 

Jared shrugged, not making eye contact. “It’s whatever.”

 

Evan and Connor met eyes, and Evan could tell that he was just as confused. Connor cleared his throat. “Does ‘whatever’ mean you think we’re dicks or that we’re all cool, Kleiman?”

 

“It means that you guys  _ are _ dicks, but yeah, we’re all cool. Whatever. I’m not mad.” 

 

It was silent for a few minutes, and Connor unwrapped a sandwich from the cafeteria. He regarded it with disgust. “Fucks sake. Either of you want this shit?” 

 

Jared plucked it from Connor’s hands, biting down instantly. Evan looked as if his friend were an alien, but didn’t mention it. 

 

Finally, the bell signifying the end of lunch came. Connor stalked off with a groan to biology, and Evan waited for Jared to throw the rest of his lunch away patiently. Jared waved him off. “Go on, I gotta stop by my locker anyway.” Evan shrugged and walked off. 

 

Jared sighed and walked into the bathroom. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!!!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> If you leave kudos or a comment I'll love you forever :)
> 
> !!!Check out my girlfriend's writing!!!: http://archiveofourown.org/users/failedfalencho/pseuds/failedfalencho


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